Attending
church with an individual with special needs is challenging. As I
think back to all of the churches I have gone to, the number of
attendees with disabilities is sparse. So my guess is that many
families living with children with special needs have chosen to stay
home rather than try to "fit in" within the church. As
Caleb has become a teenager, we have found this "fitting in"
harder to accomplish.
When
Caleb was younger, the churches we attended were able to provide a one-on-one for him so that he could go to children's church. This
was a huge help because it not only allowed Caleb to attend church
with kids his own age, but it also allowed Bob and me a much needed
break while we attended the adult service. But as Caleb has
gotten older, there are no longer kid’s classes for him to attend.
This has left us with one of two choices - leave Caleb at home
with a nurse or have him in service with us.
We
have considered arranging to have a nurse stay at home with Caleb
during difficult months where Bob or I have spent the entire service
trying to keep Caleb quiet and calm. What has helped to carry us
through, during these challenging months, has been the churches
reaction to Caleb. When Caleb yells out during worship, they
interpret the yelling as his way of singing, rather than as a
disturbance. When Caleb says "all done" while pastor
is preaching, no offense is taken. And time and again,
individuals purposely come up to greet Caleb and make him feel a part
of the church. Recently our pastor asked if Caleb would like to be
part of the youth group. Pastor shared what a blessing Caleb is
to others and how the other children would benefit from having Caleb
as part of the group. We have not yet decided if Caleb will
join or just participate in outings, but the gesture on the part of
the Pastor spoke love and kindness.
Although
it has been challenging, I believe that one of the positive things we
have done for Caleb is making the choice to have him attend church
with us. I feel church is a place for families and even with
the difficulties, I believe our whole family should attend. I
also believe that although Caleb does not appear to be paying
attention, there is much that he is learning from sitting through the
service. And my heart swells with joy when Bob accompanies Caleb to
the communion table and he is able to partake in the elements. This
simple act reveals to me time and again, that Christ came for all,
regardless of our challenges.
At
one time I believed that we needed more churches that catered to
individuals with special needs. I now wonder, after years of
attending church with Caleb, if rather than having a church put
together programs and classes for kids with special needs, perhaps in
the long run, what we all need is churches that are willing to
embrace the families who enter their doors - churches that will
tolerate some strange noises and unusual behaviors in order to show
Christ's love to all individuals, churches that will reach out to the
families of individuals with disabilities and help them to feel proud
of their child rather than embarrassed. Perhaps by becoming a
church body that reaches out in this way, we will truly be the hands
and feet of Christ.
A
note of encouragement to families living with a child with special
needs - please continue to look until you find a church that welcomes
your entire family with open arms. Be patient and honest as the
church body adjusts to your presence and don't take offense if you
get a few strange looks. Our kids need to be part of the church
and the church needs our children.
Thank
you Prince of Peace for being that church body. You have made us
not only feel welcome but have embraced all of us with open arms.
